Please take a few minutes to complete this brief survey:

_ maudlin
_ vaguely amusing
_ pointless
_ cringe-inducing
_ naive
_ pretentious
_ absent any discernible qualities
_ tedious
_ beinahe nichts

The things that always made me cringe are what I miss the most. Awkward or naive comments that were evidence of her sweet nature, eager to engage, that I wish I had embraced.

Maximum number of sounds heard simultaneously:

Wear as many clothes as possible, as often as possible. Avoid cameras, mirrors, and other reflective surfaces.

I never saw him that he wasn’t wearing a shirt with large square fold marks, as if he’d just come out of a store, pulled it from its package, and put it on.

We all have those rare friends who seem to generate an irresistable force field that draws people to them. I have the opposite power; my side of the room is always dependably empty and silent.

I was feeling pretty shit. Like I had cancer and didn’t know it, or was about to lose my mind. Ever feel that way? Like you have cancer, and don’t know it, or are about to lose your mind? And I couldn’t get that song out of my head.

He’d switched to decaffeinated coffee and non-alcoholic beer, but in such prodigious quantities that it was the same as before.

He wanted things to add up, but they didn’t.
Some were less, and some were more.

You’ve finally perfected your craft. The only interesting parts were the mistakes.