Our neighbor ran a small extermination business from a remodeled garage behind his house. Some weekends we’d sneak in, fascinated by a wall display of such mounted horrors as a freakish two-headed moth with a 12-inch wingspan. Later I discovered that every exterminator had one of these as part of their standard franchise package, fabricated by XYZ Pest Museum in Silver City, NM.

His dog had lost all respect for him, or could no longer stand his scent. Either way, oil spots on the driveway were of more interest to her, and on the rare occasions they occupied the same room, she abstained from meeting his eye.

He may have been a shit, but he objected to the word “total.”

What were thought to be diseases turned out to be the body’s unsuccessful attempts at healing.

A listing vessel with a massive hole in its bow, drifting at sea. That is me, he thought—miraculously still afloat.

Auction Highlights: Aside from a significant amount of water damage, bullet holes and general wear, the painting is not of particular interest.

After decades of sensible moderation, I packed it in and began drinking in earnest.

Number one problem facing humanity: irony.

God always has a plan, and that plan is for random stuff to happen.

He had lately been spending as much time as possible in the company of animals. No animal had ever ridiculed him, nor regarded him with pity, scorn, or disappointment. Well, possibly disappointment. He could live with that.

The Hangover Decades

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