Today as I rounded the bend into the clearing I ran into J with his three little dogs. I hadn’t seen him in two years. As I raised my hand in greeting it became obvious he didn’t know who I was. At first I guessed two more years of drinking and medications might finally have finished off his memory, but now, thinking of his uncharacteristically clear eyes and almost sheepish demeanor, as if presenting himself too nakedly to the world, I think he was sober. He was sober, while I was still in the fog. When I asked how long they were staying, he was evasive. I don’t blame him. If I ran into me, I’d avoid myself, too.

Certainty, in inverse proportion to intelligence.

The seventies were shit; the eighties sucked ass; he barely remembered the nineties; and everything after 2000 was lost in a haze of self-loathing.
Things were looking up.

He didn’t do any of the actual work—there were assistants for that. His role was to think. On occasion he might reveal to his assistants what he was thinking, and his ideas might or might not be incorporated. He left that up to them. He had only a vague awareness of the processes and techniques involved in creating the work. Assistants were underpaid, and left frequently, thus ensuring the steady pace of artistic evolution that had made him famous.

Layers to cover your ruined body, dark glasses for your ruined eyes.

Suffering has made you ugly, which is beautiful.

They had gone so long without, a compliment would have destroyed them.

The people around him were often depressed. He was a “carrier.”

At some point that year they renounced activities that assumed the existence of a viable future.

next page arrow